Struggling to decide whether you should take your child to a funeral?
Some parents worry their sons and daughters may struggle to understand what’s going on at a funeral, or that they’ll disrupt the service – especially if they are very young.
Though these are valid points to consider, teaching children about death, loss and funerals from an early age can help prepare them for later life.
Read on to find out more from our funeral directors, here at Brunel Funerals.
Can children attend funerals?
Some grieving families may prefer children not to attend a funeral in case they’ll be a distraction from the ceremony – but, in most cases, children of all ages are allowed to go to a funeral.
If you’re unsure whether your kids are welcome, it’s a good idea to double-check with the bereaved family, funeral director or whoever is making the funeral arrangements. After all, the last thing you want is to turn up at the church or crematorium with your little ones in tow, if they’re not supposed to be there.
At what age should you take a child to a funeral?
Child psychologists suggest that children will have an understanding of death by the time they reach the age of 8-10 years.
Toddlers will likely have no concept of death but they may notice the absence of a loved one (i.e. a parent, grandparent, sibling, etc.).
Between the ages of 2 and 5, most will have an awareness of things being dead or alive, but they won’t usually understand the permanence of death. It won’t be until they get a bit older that they realise that the person who has died will not come back.
Older children and teenagers usually have an adult understanding of death. They may even develop their own views and beliefs on the subject.
Should I take my child to a funeral?
You may consider leaving your children with someone you trust while you attend the funeral service alone, especially if you feel they are too young to understand what’s happening.
But every child is different.
To help you make your decision, ask yourself:
- Do they want to go?
- How long will the ceremony be?
- Are they easily distracted?
Of course, you want to be confident that your child can sit still and behave throughout the service without getting distracted or causing a disturbance. However, you also want to trust that the ceremony won’t be too distressing for them.
Giving children the option to attend a funeral helps them to feel part of the decision making process. Make sure you explain what to expect on the day using age-appropriate language and be prepared to answer their questions.
What should you do if you decide to take your child to a funeral?
You know your child better than anyone else, including how they cope with different situations.
But if you’re wondering how to prepare them for a funeral, it’s worth informing them of what will happen before, during and after the service has taken place to help reassure them.
If you have a part to play in the funeral (i.e. carrying the coffin, reading the eulogy or playing the music), it’s a sensible idea to ask a close friend or family member to help out with your kids. They could sit with them or keep an eye on them to make sure they’re OK throughout the service.
Worried your baby or toddler might get restless? Why not bring a book or quiet toy to keep them occupied and prevent them from making too much noise?
What can children wear to a funeral?
Traditional funeral attire for adults is typically black or dark clothing, and this usually applies to children as well.
You could dress them in:
- Dark-coloured trousers and a plain top with a jumper over the top
- A dark-coloured skirt with a top and cardigan
- A smart dress with a pair of black shoes or boots
For more information about the dress code, check out our blog “What to wear to a funeral”.
Is there an alternative to taking children to funerals?
Funerals can be overwhelming for adults – let alone children!
With emotions running high, you may prefer not to have your youngsters there on the day of the ceremony. Instead, they could bid farewell in another way.
For example, you could take them to visit their memorial plaque or graveside at a later date or light a candle in remembrance and share fond memories. Keepsakes, such as memory teddies and fingerprint jewellery, are also great for keeping a loved one’s memory alive.
Depending on how old they are, you could encourage them to create a scrapbook, including all their favourite photographs. Or perhaps they could write a poem or draw a picture.
Want to know more?
If you’re still undecided about whether or not you should take your child to a funeral, don’t hesitate to get in touch with our funeral directors in Bristol.
We can talk through your thoughts and concerns and assist you in explaining what happens at a funeral to your young children – allowing both you and them to make a decision.
To speak to a member of our friendly team over the phone, call 0117 374 2002. Or, if you prefer, drop us an email at admin@brunelfd.co.uk and we’ll be in touch soon.
You’re also welcome to visit us at our funeral home on the edge of Westbury on Trym, where we can offer advice and guidance over a nice cuppa.