Whether it’s a parent, grandparent, sibling, or close friend, mourning the loss of a loved one is hard enough for an adult to comprehend – let alone a child.

Knowing what to say to a young person when they’re grieving for someone they were close to can be difficult, but the team at Brunel Funeral Directors are here to guide you every step of the way, even after the funeral has taken place.

Below we share some tips for supporting your child through their grief.

How do children deal with grief at different ages?

Although grief is a natural response to loss, there is no right or wrong way for a person to grieve.

Often, the way a child copes with grief will depend on their age and whether they’ve experienced a loss in the family before.

Babies

Infants usually have a limited understanding of death and grief.

They may notice the lack of a person’s presence – particularly if they’re used to spending a lot of time with them – but they will likely not understand the reasons why they are no longer around.

This can have a significant impact on their ability to sleep and comfort when crying.

Toddlers

As a child gets older, they will develop a better understanding of loss and will start to become more observant.

Toddlers and young children are naturally curious – so don’t be surprised if they start asking a lot of questions to fill in the gaps in their knowledge.

Older children and teenagers

Between the ages of six and twelve, kids will accept that death is permanent and they’ll never be reunited with their loved ones. However, it’s not uncommon for them to develop a fear of death or to feel guilty – blaming themselves for the loss.

Teenagers tend to bereave similarly to adults, only they may struggle to express their true emotions or know how to cope with their grief in a healthy way.

What can you do to help your child?

Talk to them

As the child’s parent or guardian, it’s up to you to talk to them about death in a way that’s appropriate for their age.

Always use clear language, avoiding expressions such as “passed away” or “gone to sleep”, as this gives little ones the false hope that they’ll see their loved ones again. Leaving you with even more questions to answer as they grow more and more curious.

Allow them space and time

Older children and teenagers might not want to talk about their emotions immediately.

Sometimes, just sitting together quietly or offering them a hand to squeeze or a gentle hug can be enough to let them know that you’re there for them, and they can open up to you whenever they’re ready.

Listen to how they’re feeling

Whether they want to talk to you about the death or to tell you what thoughts are going through their head, let them know that they can come to you about anything.

Be empathetic and provide emotional support. Though you won’t be able to bring their loved one back, simply listening to them and letting them get whatever is it they want off their chest can make the world of difference.

Give them a keepsake

Providing youngsters with a keepsake that helps to keep their loved one’s memory alive whilst they’re grieving their loss is a lovely idea.

At Brunel Funerals, we supply a wide range of memorabilia at our funeral home – including (but not limited to) fingerprint jewellery and memory teddies.

Share fond memories

Depending on how old your children are, they may wish to talk about the person who has died.

Taking a walk down memory lane and reminiscing on the good times they shared and the memories they made together may help them feel less sad and isolated.

Maybe you could dig out the photo album and look back at old photographs, encouraging happy thoughts.

Mark special occasions

Whether it be lighting a candle, letting off balloons, planting a tree or visiting a special place, there are lots of things you can do to celebrate a loved one’s birthday or anniversary after they’ve died.

For a permanent symbol of remembrance – allowing infants, juniors, teenagers and adults to lay flowers, say prayers and talk to their loved ones on special occasions (and whenever they feel like it) – consider our masonry service, here at Brunel Funerals.

Book an appointment with our funeral directors

Our caring and compassionate team ensure that children of all ages get the bereavement support they need – allowing them to talk through any worries they may have and come to terms with the loss of their loved one.

You also have the chance to speak with us about your own feelings of grief and the impact the death has had on you, too.

Feel free to call our funeral home in Westbury on Trym on 0117 374 2002 or drop us an email at admin@brunelfd.co.uk.